James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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