this beer tastes like vomit already
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
