Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
