Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
