Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
