My friends, they love my intelligence
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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