Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize