you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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