so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize