I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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