is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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