The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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