What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize