I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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