Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
