i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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