areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
