He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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