Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
