you would pick up someone in the library
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
