Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
