I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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