Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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