do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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