I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
