I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
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