This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
