he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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