just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
