Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize