the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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