uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'm like, not good at living.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
