I molested 6 butterflies tonight
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
