Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
