oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
