I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
