now i know why i became what i already was.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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