You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
