My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Randomize