hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
