just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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