I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
