walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
