we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
