Say something about gay babies.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
