we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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