I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Girls should come with a carfax report
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
