I didn't shave. On purpose
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
