Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
