So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize