Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
FUCK WHALES
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
