It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
my poor anus
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
