just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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