The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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