i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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