I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
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