Already got asked if we're dating
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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