I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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