Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
