Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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