He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
