4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Someone shattered a urinal.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize