I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize