I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
