Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
