they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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