My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i was born a porn star she said
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
