Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
