Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize