Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
